Fertility, Pregnancy, Baby stuff

The New Year

~ Girlmom ~ 1 Comment

2013 has come and gone, just like my youth. I fell asleep on the couch before 9:00 pm on New Years eve. What can I say, growing a human being is exhausting. I woke up feeling awful, nauseous, headache…basically a hangover without the fun. I felt like crud the entire day. Happy new year.

Luckily with Shane’s help we were able to get a meal in the crockpot. We tried Jimmy Fallon’s Crock-Pot Chili and I’d say we all gave it 2 thumbs up. I think it’s safe to use the entire habanero chili but I kept to the recipe for K’s sake. Slowly she will be able to tolerate the spicy like her mom and dad.

Chili + cornbread for the kid
Chili + cornbread for the kid

It’s hard to get excited for the new year, it’s basically an extension of 2013. If this subchorionic bleed continues to be a problem then I don’t have much to look forward to other than watching life go by from my couch. If this pregnancy mimics my last one then I can’t really plan on doing much at all. I know save the sob story until we know the facts. It’s just hard to get excited about much, I am envious of all those pregnant ladies out there doing stuff. No resolution, no plans at all, bring it on 2014.

Guess What?

~ Girlmom ~ 1 Comment

Do you want the good news or the bad news first? OK the good news it is. Baby looks good, she/he was wiggling around probably enjoying my little cup of cafe Calabria coffee I had this morning. My blood results came back and I can stop all my meds tomorrow. I can’t wait to pull the damn patches off my stomach and finally rid my stomach of the black sticky residue that has been decorating my abdomen for a couple months now.

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Now the bad news, if you can believe it, I have another subchorionic hemorrhage, I mean ARE YOU SERIOUS? Honestly I wasn’t terribly shocked being that I have been spotting on and off, I knew there had to be a reason for it. I was just hoping this wasn’t it. And even though all you nice people have told me “this pregnancy will be so much easier” I never believed it, I just didn’t think it would start off worse than the last.

I won’t lie, this bleed looks a lot bigger than the one they spotted with Kaili early on. The Dr. I saw wasn’t really giving out much information, I sort of feel since it was my final appointment with them they wanted my OB doctor to take it on. I am sure I will be seeing a high risk doctor in the near future. Hope for the best, expect the worse is my mentality until then.

Looks pretty big, am I right?
Looks pretty big, am I right?

Here was Kaili’s reaction to the bad news.

IMG_0407Now I just sit back and continue to take things easy until my Dr. appointment next Friday. Hopefully nothing bad happens in the next 7 days. I won’t lie, I am sort of scared this time around. Whose idea was this?

Just Words

~ Girlmom ~ 1 Comment

I am not sure if the B6 is actually helping with the nausea but it is giving me some much needed energy. I cheated and had a small cup of coffee the other day and oh boy did it taste good and I felt like a champ most of the day, in between the moments of wanting to barf. Tea has been hard to drink so I am counting down the days until I allow myself a morning cup of joe.

I thought things were beginning to look up, emotionally I have been feeling a lot better and physically I hadn’t had any cramping or spotting but unfortunately it started up again this morning. I didn’t think I was doing too much but I guess I was…aggravating, depressing, I can think of a lot of words to describe my feelings. My transfer was November 13th so basically I have been on moderate bed rest for over a month. Who saw this coming?

I will leave you with a few Kaili pictures because I’ve got a date with Top Chef.

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What A Difference

~ Girlmom ~ 5 Comments

What a difference 5 days makes. Here is my ultrasound picture from Friday.

6 weeks
6 weeks

Here is my ultrasound picture from yesterday.

6 weeks 5 days
6 weeks 5 days

We have a fetus and it has a heartbeat.

You can all rest easy now.

Phew is all I have to say. Now I just have to get past the first trimester right? I am still on restrictions with no end date, probably until my OB gives me the O.K.

I continue all my meds until 9 weeks and I know there is no way that I have enough here at home to get me through the next 3 weeks so you know what that means… $$$ Cha-Ching!!

My next and probably last appointment with Reproductive Partners is on Christmas Eve and unfortunately it won’t be with Dr. Garzo, sigh. But on the up side so far there is no sign of a subchorionic tear and hopefully there will be no sign of one. Can I get an AMEN?

Alright friends we did it. Thank you for all your support, only 34 weeks and 1 day to go. Well probably not even that long since I will be having a C-section. Hmm that makes her <—-{see what I did there? It just came out that way} August due date a July due date. What star sign would that be?

Thoughts at 6 Weeks

~ Girlmom ~ 2 Comments

Did I tell you that someone called me a “fertile myrtle” after I told them the FET worked? That stuck with me all day. 6 years of trying to get pregnant the “old fashioned” way and I have never even had a hint of a late period. I think it’s funny how peoples views can be so skewed if they don’t know the whole story.

Last week I started having some cramping along with spotting. I called the nurse and she assured me it was completely normal, I won’t lie it was scary. This continued for a few days, Thursday night being the worst but knowing I had my ultrasound Friday was keeping me sane.

Since I blogged through my pregnancy with Kaili I have been able to go back and compare dates and symptoms. I thought this would be a good thing but maybe it’s not.

I forgot when I made my ultrasound and blood draw for Friday that it was going to be with another doctor, Garzo was out of town. The first thing he asked me was how I was feeling and I told him about the cramping and spotting. Once he was preforming the ultrasound he asked me if I have ever miscarried before. That question put a bad tone to my whole day. He showed us the gestational sac but said it was a few days too early to see the fetus. I know it’s not too early because at my 6 week appt. with Kaili we saw the fetus and her heartbeat. I was in a fog the rest of the morning. Thinking back on everything, questioning why, and quite honestly freaking out. They scheduled my next ultrasound for Friday aka 7 weeks. I called the office back a few hours later asking if I could come in earlier, since the doctor said a heartbeat should be detected at 6 weeks 3 days, I didn’t want to drive myself crazy for another week.

I do know 6 weeks can be too early and I do know cramping and spotting can be normal and that my progesterone level being low can also be normal but it can also not be normal. I went into this expecting the worst, hoping for the best. After having a serious one on one talk with myself, I do think everything is fine. My pregnancy symptoms are strong, I have the nose of a bloodhound that can sniff out last nights meal on a stranger walking past me, I have days where I feel like I have narcolepsy and could fall asleep standing up and I have been nauseous  at the strangest of times mostly at 1-3 A.m. I am sure everything is just fine . This process is hard, emotional, frustrating and stressful.
I have been put on modified bed rest until a heartbeat is detected, my next ultrasound is Wednesday. 

Until then, go Hawks! #louder

Let’s Give Thanks

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I am having more side effects this time around. My face seems to break out more and more each day, I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy or the 6 birth control patches on my stomach…or both. I am ready to be done with them. I am super itchy and sneezy, part of me wonders if I have a mild allergy to something I am taking. I am not sleeping great but can’t seem to keep my eyes open past 9:00pm. I visit the bathroom 2-5 times a night already and get really thirsty out of the blue so I must have water within reach at all times.

Ok, enough with my whining…whine= wine..which I would like a glass of….

Tuesday I picked up my in-laws at John Wayne airport. After some Thanksgiving day grocery shopping we took them to Sushi Deli down the road for some non-Walla Walla food. Kaili devoured the entire bowl of garlic edamame, ate the crust off the calamari and dove head first into the rice. She just discovered soy sauce and  would probably drink it if we allowed her to.

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We spent part of yesterday morning at SeaWorld, we all had passes so we didn’t feeling guilty once we saw what we wanted and split. AKA  2 hours later. They have the Christmas season going on complete with Santa and his reindeer.

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Kaili was happy to see Penny Penguin…

Kaili was happy to see Penny Penguin

But when Shamu creeped up on her she was over it and ran away.

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After a big lunch we took a walk to the store to pick up all things forgetten from yesterdays trip. I spent the evening baking. The amount of food we will have tomorrow is nauseating. But eating until we make ourselves sick and then killing someone over a T.V. on black Friday is what the USA is all about, am I right?

I am thankful for our baby maker Dr. Garzo, without him our hearts and home would be empty. I am thankful for my husband who works so hard to give us a nice life and pays the good doctor the big bucks to knock me up. I am thankful for my daughter who has shown me what true love really is and makes me smile every time I look at her.

Except  when she is being a little brat.

What are you thankful for?

Wishing you all a very happy Thanksgiving!

Do You Want to Know What I Know?

~ Girlmom ~ 5 Comments

My last post I told y’all that I wasn’t having any real pregnancy symptoms and I had no idea if I was pregnant or not. That all changed Friday. All of the sudden I was really thirsty and really tired, I think I fell asleep before 8. That is when I thought, “ya, I am pregnant”.

My skin is breaking out like I am 14 years old and I am itchy all over. Also my dreams have taken a strange and vivid turn to the dark side.

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Sunday morning I went for my BETA, being one of the only people in the entire building I was in and out. 2 1/2 hours later my nurse called.

“You are pregnant!”

“Awesome”. “What is my BETA?”

“798”.

“Holy shit that is high!”

My BETA with K was 350 and I thought that was high but that was nothing. Let’s hope that assisted hatching didn’t give us an extra surprise baby, just one very healthy pregnancy. Today I am 4 weeks, 3 days pregnant with an EDD {estimated due date} of August 1, 2014.

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My estrogen and Progesterone levels came back as well. My doses will stay the same but on top of those I will add 2 Progesterone suppositories a day. My next appointment is in December when I will have my first ultrasound to make sure everything is as it should be.

Thanks for all the well wishes. Let’s hope the journey is smooth.

Excuse me now, I need a nap.

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Get Busy

~ Girlmom ~ 5 Comments

I have had people ask me if I feel pregnant. Nope, not at all. Other than some period like cramping on and off the past 9 days all I have felt are cold symptoms. Yesterday I fought with myself about buying a HPT { home pregnancy test } I believe HCG can be detected in a HPT {home pregnancy test} around 7 days post transfer. I just want to know, you know? But I decided not to…here is why.

Back in ’09 right after we had our first IUI {Intrauterine insemination} I bought a bag load of HPT’s from the dollar store.

Who buys HPT’s from the dollar store?

This girl. When you are taking a test 10 times or so a month for month after month, that shit adds up. The dollar store is the way to go, and yes they are accurate.

I packed a bunch of tests and Shane and I headed out on a trip, I tested everyday. Negative, negative negative. Once we got back from our trip and I was getting ready for work it dawned on me my period hadn’t come. My cycles were very regular, so on the way to work I grabbed one more HPT. What do you know, it was  positive. I was stunned, to say the least.  My nurse told me to come  in later that day for a blood test. The test resulted in a low BETA HCG levels. They tried to encourage me telling me it doesn’t always matter the number but they do want to see it double every 24 hours. I went back in the next morning and sadly it didn’t double, not even close.  The inevitable was going to happen and there was nothing I could do but wait it out.

That is why I talked myself out of taking a test yesterday. Sure it could tell me that I am pregnant but that really doesn’t mean much. All it does is gets your hopes up a few days before you find out the whole story.

Needless to say the days seem to be crawling by, I just want to know my fate.

On the positive side, I cut out caffeine cold turkey and haven’t had a problem at all. Last time I had horrible headaches and I wasn’t sure if it was the lack of caffeine or the cocktail of meds, now I am pretty sure it was the meds. Thankfully.

I have 48 more hours until my blood test and there is rain in the forecast. Need to get busy being busy.

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48 Hours

~ Girlmom ~ 1 Comment

Catchy title, I know.

Bed rest, possibly two of the most dreaded words. EVER. Anyone who says they would love to be on bed rest, clearly has never been on bed rest.

Months of bed rest was hard without a child, 48 hours of bed rest with a child is just as hard. Not just for me but for her too. She doesn’t understand why I can’t get up. She doesn’t understand why she can’t jump on me. It’s hard for both of us.

She kept me company
She kept me company

She fell out of her  bed the other night for the first time. A loud thud followed by crying, I couldn’t help but jump up and go to her. Shane calmed her down and surprisingly she went right back to sleep.

That shit was scary.

Once the long 48 hours were over I happily took a shower then planted myself back on the couch. Trying to stay off my feet unless necessary makes for a very low key couple of days. A trip to the store, a walk, baking and art with the kid about wraps up our weekend.

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Get it girl.
Get it girl.

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I am trying my hardest to stay out of my head. Since I have been through the dreaded 2 week wait many a times before, it’s hard not to read into any twinge or non twinge for that matter. I know each time is different but with each day that goes by I get more concerned that this round didn’t take.I have to stop myself and think positive. I also caught a cold, no medicine and no caffeine is a bad combination.

6 more days of waiting.

worry

A Little Bit Pregnant….Again.

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I want to say thank you for all the well wishes from you guys. The transfer went just as I expected it to, smooth and quick.

We arrived at the office at 10:00 and sat around drinking my water until the embryologist came to get us. She showed us our Grade A free range embryo. She said it thawed just fine and we were ready to rock n roll.

I took my valium and then into the procedure room we went to got ready. 

To do the ditty. Just kidding.

Once things were in place, the embryologist wheeled in our future child and Dr. Garzo got to work, not 10 uncomfortable  minutes later he was done and I was officially a little bit pregnant.

Wham bam thank ya ma’am.

I continued to lay down for 30 minutes and then got my discharge info and was wheeled down to the car.

I spent the afternoon napping and reading. Besides the grogginess from the valium I feel just fine. Although once I started to get hungry, Shane was on the phone with work. I then realized I should have planned on stocking up my bedside drawer with snacks.

I must stay on the bed or the couch until Friday night/Saturday morning. Saturday I can return to my normal routine with some limitations, no lifting Kaili and no physical activity other than walking. This will continue until we hear a heartbeat or I get a negative pregnancy test.