Twins?

I have been day dreaming  about this little one inside me, who will she look like, what color eyes will she have? From what I have read she is basically Kaili’s “twin” or in other words, a genetically unique sibling conceived on the same day but born years later. Since they are from the same batch of embryos and the same treatment cycle, how similar will they be? Will they have a special bond, same personalities or is that all hogwash? It’s all a little surreal and surely fascinating scientific stuff.

{Here is a nice article about another couples story “Twins” born 5 years apart”.}

The many faces of Kaili

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Thoughts at 6 Weeks

Did I tell you that someone called me a “fertile myrtle” after I told them the FET worked? That stuck with me all day. 6 years of trying to get pregnant the “old fashioned” way and I have never even had a hint of a late period. I think it’s funny how peoples views can be so skewed if they don’t know the whole story.

Last week I started having some cramping along with spotting. I called the nurse and she assured me it was completely normal, I won’t lie it was scary. This continued for a few days, Thursday night being the worst but knowing I had my ultrasound Friday was keeping me sane.

Since I blogged through my pregnancy with Kaili I have been able to go back and compare dates and symptoms. I thought this would be a good thing but maybe it’s not.

I forgot when I made my ultrasound and blood draw for Friday that it was going to be with another doctor, Garzo was out of town. The first thing he asked me was how I was feeling and I told him about the cramping and spotting. Once he was preforming the ultrasound he asked me if I have ever miscarried before. That question put a bad tone to my whole day. He showed us the gestational sac but said it was a few days too early to see the fetus. I know it’s not too early because at my 6 week appt. with Kaili we saw the fetus and her heartbeat. I was in a fog the rest of the morning. Thinking back on everything, questioning why, and quite honestly freaking out. They scheduled my next ultrasound for Friday aka 7 weeks. I called the office back a few hours later asking if I could come in earlier, since the doctor said a heartbeat should be detected at 6 weeks 3 days, I didn’t want to drive myself crazy for another week.

I do know 6 weeks can be too early and I do know cramping and spotting can be normal and that my progesterone level being low can also be normal but it can also not be normal. I went into this expecting the worst, hoping for the best. After having a serious one on one talk with myself, I do think everything is fine. My pregnancy symptoms are strong, I have the nose of a bloodhound that can sniff out last nights meal on a stranger walking past me, I have days where I feel like I have narcolepsy and could fall asleep standing up and I have been nauseous  at the strangest of times mostly at 1-3 A.m. I am sure everything is just fine . This process is hard, emotional, frustrating and stressful.
I have been put on modified bed rest until a heartbeat is detected, my next ultrasound is Wednesday. 

Until then, go Hawks! #louder

One Last Day

Remember when I got my bag of goodies last week? Needles, Progesterone, alcohol swabs?

I was dreading, no seriously dreading the first injection. But, it wasn’t bad. At all.

Shane has been giving me them since Friday and he has gotten really good at it, I don’t feel a thing.

Then Monday rolled around and I couldn’t shake the fact that I was going to have to give myself the shot. I so over reacted, imagine that. I mean there is nothing fun with jabbing yourself with a big ass needle but it’s totally doable, I didn’t faint, cry or even whimper. Winning! The worst part is the the aftermath. I am left with sore bruises  dotting my booty and hips. Maybe I am doing something wrong? Human pincushion.

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Today is my transfer day. I don’t have any real emotions about it, I’m not nervous or worried, it’s just what it is, going to the dr. to get knocked up…hopefully.

I will tell you all about it. I mean what else am I going to do in bed for 48 hours?

And So It Begins

6 estrogen patches did the trick, my lining jumped from a 6 to a 10. The time has come.

We met with Dr. Garzo in his office and with my stomach in a knot we looked over our embryos. We have 1 good, 7 fair and 1 poor embryo to choose from, we went with the obvious choice.

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We scheduled our transfer for next Wednesday. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around this. I start Progesterone injections, prednisone and doxycyclin tomorrow. I continue the estrogen patches as is and if I get a BFP{big fat positive} then I will continue the PIO {progesterone} injections and the stupid patches through week 9 of my pregnancy. ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?

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I hated the progesterone injections last time. THEY HURT! But at least last time Shane was local and able to give them to me. This time I am going to have to put on a brave face and do them myself when he’s gone. This is stressing me out. I can’t wait to show you the needle.

Here’s the plan. I show up at the Dr. an hour before our transfer time on Wednesday. I sit and drink water as instructed and take my valium when they tell me to. Then I get prepped for the transfer and Dr. Garzo will attempt to knock me up. I will have a blood test 11 days later. All the while I have to stick a long ass needle in my gluteus maximus every.damn.night.

Is she done complaining yet?

I am cautiously nervous about this. The excitement I felt last time has been replaced with memories and I can’t help that. So, no need to tell me “this time it will be a breeze” because I know that it probably will be but if you know me, I worry. It makes me sad and frustrated that I have to go through all this shit to have a baby. I don’t want to give myself shots and I don’t want to pay 100+ dollars for each box of 16 patches, I change 6 of those damn things every 3 days {and that is if they all actually stay on} Never happens. 

You know you’re going through infertility when your phone log looks like this.
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It’s not fair and I don’t want to….pity party for 1.

I am done. We can continue this next week.

In Case You were Wondering

I haven’t forgotten to tell you how my Dr. appointment went, it’s just nothing really happened. My lining is at a 6, they like to see it at an 8, if that means anything to you. I now have 6, yes birth control patches decorating my lower abdomen. Side effects? You betcha!  Headaches, breast tenderness, and bitchiness. Those are the side effects for 1 patch, so multiply it by 6 and that’s how I have been feeling.

Shane escorted me to my appointment to sign my life away  our procedure consents. Along with with our FET they will also be doing something called assisted hatching, not sure how I feel about this yet but it’s supposed to raise implantation success, but it can also split the embryo resulting in identical twins <— not a joke.

Once again I will be on those wonderful PIO {progesterone} injections. This gives me a knot in my stomach to think about so lets not talk about it yet, mmmkay?

Next appointment is Thursday morning, my optimism tells me my lining will be good and we will schedule the transfer day.

Tomorrow, the wheelchair tennis masters starts in Mission Viejo. David plays everyday starting Tuesday, twice a day starting Thursday. Do yourself a favor and catch a match if you can. We will be heading up Friday morning for sure, I am still debating on taking Kaili up solo before then.

Don’t Take This The Wrong Way

I’m about to bitch, complain and worry. Ready, set, go!

I thought these estrogen patches were going to be a breeze to deal with, however now I think poking myself with a needle twice a day would be easier.

1. They are expensive.

2. They don’t stay on. I am supposed to change them every 3 days but they are falling off daily.

3. My stomach looks like a tar pit.

4. Did I mention they don’t stay on? So now I need a refill and it’s only been a week. Bullshit.

Now I have 4 damn patches taped to my stomach so I can hopefully keep them on until tomorrow. Yipee!

This whole experience is completely different than the first. Now don’t take this the wrong way but I am not concerned about getting pregnant. I feel confident that we will get a BFP on the first try. Is this foolish? Am I over confident? Will I eat my words and feel like a shit head? Maybe. I am older, so maybe my positivity is arrogant.

Getting pregnant isn’t my worry, being pregnant is. This time I am really worried about all the what if’s that weren’t even an after thought the first time. I know, I know, don’t say it. “This time will be so much easier”. “How can it be any worse?” Let me count the ways. Yes it can be worse. This time I have a 2 year old. It can be worse and I am scared. There, I said it. Judge away.

Ready, Set….

Well friends, operation “get pregnant, stay pregnant, make it to the end without bed rest, pre-term labor and no NICU stay” is underway.

Cycle day 1. I start estrogen patches aka birth control. I didn’t know that birth control patches existed but then again why would I? They look like this.

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$100 damn dollars for these things, with insurance. BLAH! Howeverapplying these lil babies sure as hell beats sticking needles into my stomach twice a a day. HOLLA!!

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I put 2 of them on and change them every 84 hours. My next  appointment is Wednesday when they do whatever they do to see if they are working too well or not well enough.

Shane and I both have to take a 5 day antibiotic to make sure we are healthy as a whistle come transfer day. Probably should go get the flu-shot too, although I have been saying that for 5 years now.