Fantasy Birth Plan

I have been thinking about the birth plan that I will not write-up since I find it a little silly to expect anything to go as I would plan it to. However if I could actually plan it to go exactly how I want it to, here is how it would go down:

I am off bed rest, have been for a few weeks now. 38 weeks and Shane and I are out enjoying some wood fired pizza. As I finish the last bite of my wild mushroom and goat cheese pizza I notice I am having contractions. “This must be it” I tell Shane, we pay our bill and head home. I take a nice leisurely shower and grab the hospital bag and we are on our way.  The nurse greets me with a wheelchair at the entrance and mentions that she has a Cakebread Chardonnay chilling for us to enjoy after the delivery. “How nice of you” I say.  Labor progresses uneventfully, contractions are nothing,  mild cramps. My water breaks but no worries since I am getting reading to take a bath and arrange all my toiletries in the bathroom. I rinse off and get back in bed. My new doctor,  McDreamy who quit Seattle Grace to work at the nationally recognized Sharp Mary Birch comes in to check my dilation. 10 centimeters and crowning. He says I am ready to push. 4 pushes later, no tearing or stupid episiotomy needed. I deliver a perfectly healthy and clean baby girl. She instantly turns the perfect shade of pink and is put on my chest to breast feed. Shane pulls out the couch that turns into lovely little bed with a memory foam mattress. I turn on the TV, but it’s no ordinary TV it’s a 50 inch HD flat screen and in my birth plan,we have TiVo.  As our perfect baby latches on with ease to breastfeed, we settle in to watch the Season Premier of True Blood and enjoy a glass of wine.

6 thoughts on “Fantasy Birth Plan

  1. I have been thru childbirth and Kim your story made me chuckle. Chuckle a lot!! I sincerely hope that your pregnancy goes as long as it needs to to have a healthy birth and baby. It would be nice if the rest of your story could happen also. I love your stories. Who knows it might just happen as you told it.

  2. OH MAN! Was that a fantasy or what? I think the exact opposite happened! I wish I would have wrote a birth plan that said I didn’t want to labor for more than 8 hours! A c-section is a must do after 8 hours!! If I only knew!!

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