Party of Four

Do you ever feel alone? Not in the sense that you have no one to go to dinner with, more like no one cares if you eat dinner or not?  I have been feeling more stress than support this past month. The only person behind me 100% is Shane, like Brandon was to Donna in 90210 when he led the “Donna Martin graduates” protest.

You’re probably thinking that seems crazy since I have been on bed rest, but being on bed rest with a real threat to myself and my child you really need to know you’re supported. Knowing that you are thought of can really lift ones spirits when they want to stab themselves with a pencil out of boredom or worry. But when you find that support or concern is minimal it kind of makes you feel shitty and alone.

The countless of hours of bed rest and mindless tv really gives you time to reflect. I have realized that I have been a pushover most of my life. I usually put my feelings aside to avoid conflict and then when I do speak up I end up looking like an emotional basket case because I let it fester for too long. Now with two little girls to take care of, I am no longer going to be that person. When I want something I will say it, when I don’t like something I will say it, unless it has to do with food because that can be overlooked at times. I will address matters head on and if people choose to ignore me then I will unleash my fire-breathing dragons on them. I will be the Khaleesi to her naysayers.

So that’s it, I have reached the end. This is my final day of pregnancy, ever! No more contractions no more icky Nifedipine and no more bed rest. No more having to feel like a dictator constantly ordering someone around. The pressure of making sure my sandwich is always cut in half,  that my coffee is to my liking, my strawberries aren’t overripe and the reminder to hand me a napkin at every damn meal because with each bite I take crumbs plummet into my cleavage, it’s just plain exhausting.

I won’t lie and say I am not heading into the hospital tomorrow without anxiety, I am. I hope Kaili doesn’t get overwhelmed with the chaos that is family. I hope she can kick her cold in time to come visit me and I hope that baby A and I make it out of the OR without any hiccups and unscathed.

I am looking forward to adding to our family of three and starting a life with a party of four.

Final bump picture- 36 w 5 d

Calm Before the Storm

A little more than a week out and I’m feeling unusually calm about bringing another baby home. Maybe it’s because I have successfully kept K from doom for 3 years and that makes number 2 seems like it will be a breeze. Or maybe it’s because I have no memory of the infant stage and don’t remember a damn thing. Shane asked if we needed to bring diapers to the hospital and I had no answer, “honestly I have no clue”, I told him ” I don’t think we did with Kaili.”

I also don’t have the fears I had last time. All those hours of bed rest pregnant with K  gave me plenty of time to come up with what-if scenarios, this time I just hope  baby A’s  lungs are developed enough to not see the NICU.

I still have a fear of losing Kaili. She called for me in the middle of the night last night. Shane got up and then all was quiet. I layed there awake wondering if her window was locked, worrying that some crazy person could climb in and take her from her room. Thinking about every person she came into contact with that day {<—craaaazy and I know it} Every creak I heard made me more and more paranoid so  I finally had to get up and take a peek at her. Irrational or not, it’s a fear I imagine will never go away.

The baby swing has provided more entertainment then any of her toys ever have.



35 Week Bumpdate

The countdown is officially on, 13 days until we meet the little human. I had my last ultrasound yesterday. We learned that she weighs about 5 lbs. 5 oz, has cute chubby cheeks and a head of hair. The scan was also one last chance to see if my placenta decided to move, it hasn’t.

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The foot that will score many goals in the future.

The days are moving along slowly but I’m not feeling too bad. Sleep comes in waves as does the nausea.

In soccer news, the USMNT has made it out of the group round and into knockout round. No one thought they could do it with the teams they were faced with. I’ve been lucky <–not the best word) enough to watch every match of the WC and catch all the drama, bloody heads and preschool antics. If you aren’t watching, you are disappointing your country and you should feel really bad about yourself.

Kaili has been handling my bed rest pretty good. It’s hard on me knowing it’s hard on her. Besides school, she is basically housebound with me. Trips to the park and play time in the hot tub help, but I swear, Shane built her this great play house area and it’s like she is allergic to playing alone. I told her that giving her a sister is the best gift we could ever give her. She likes to hug the belly and say hi to baby A, it’s pretty darn cute. Yesterday she told me she wants to get back in my belly to “try it out”…that kid.

On top of everything, her preschool is closing at the end of July. I am now in search of a new school that I can get her into by August 1st. I have an idea of a school nearby, fingers crossed they pass all the checklist questions and it will be a good fit. Trying to find a new school via the couch isn’t the way I had planned it going, as so is life and my pregnancies.

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Home Sweet…

I was sent home from the hospital and now it’s a day by day, let’s see what happens situation. “Let’s have you get some time at home, in your own bed in case you have to come back, we are just buying time.” was how the Dr. put it. .

The contractions have subsided for the most part, for now. I continue on the meds and I am on bed rest with bathroom privileges. I’m trying to keep it together but going through this all over again is crappy and SO much harder with a 3 year old.

Heres to hoping my body can hold out until 36 weeks. If the contractions come back then I go back to the hospital. They will try to get them to stop but I am not sure how much effort will be put into it and if they don’t stop then we will go ahead and have a baby.

Now I get to sit and watch Shane get the baby stuff together, the carseat installed, cook, do the laundry and take care of the kid. Most of you might think, “how nice.” But it’s really not. Having to sit and feel useless is depressing, lonely and the time moves But having a husband who is handling it all so well makes it easier and takes some stress away.

So now what? Besides watch soccer, which has been a lifesaver, and entertain a kid on the couch, anyone have ideas to pass the time?





9 Weeks

9 weeks, wasn’t that a racy movie with Kim Basinger? A lifetime  ago I was meant to watch that movie on a very unsuccessful first date. Hashtag awkward.

I haven’t had much to write about since I have been housebound for what seems like forever. Christmas was nice but it always seems overwhelming, maybe it’s because I haven’t been doing much other than sitting at home. I think a quiet Christmas in Hawaii or Mexico sounds pretty good, although getting there with a 3 year old and a baby doesn’t seem so great. Somehow I think sitting with my feet in the water with an adult beverage may help ease that pain. Shane’s birthday always gets lost in the holiday so it would be nice to have a low key Christmas and focus more on his birthday, although he says he doesn’t really care. Anyhow we have 363 days to plan something or nothing.

Kaili seemed to enjoy herself and is getting good use out of her new toys.

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My Tuesday ultrasound was rescheduled twice. I have still been spotting/lightly bleeding on and off, I finally head to the Dr. in a few hours where hopefully they can assure me that everything looks fine. I will also have my blood drawn and if my levels look good I can stop all my meds, hell to the yes! 

A Little Bit Pregnant….Again.

I want to say thank you for all the well wishes from you guys. The transfer went just as I expected it to, smooth and quick.

We arrived at the office at 10:00 and sat around drinking my water until the embryologist came to get us. She showed us our Grade A free range embryo. She said it thawed just fine and we were ready to rock n roll.

I took my valium and then into the procedure room we went to got ready. 

To do the ditty. Just kidding.

Once things were in place, the embryologist wheeled in our future child and Dr. Garzo got to work, not 10 uncomfortable  minutes later he was done and I was officially a little bit pregnant.

Wham bam thank ya ma’am.

I continued to lay down for 30 minutes and then got my discharge info and was wheeled down to the car.

I spent the afternoon napping and reading. Besides the grogginess from the valium I feel just fine. Although once I started to get hungry, Shane was on the phone with work. I then realized I should have planned on stocking up my bedside drawer with snacks.

I must stay on the bed or the couch until Friday night/Saturday morning. Saturday I can return to my normal routine with some limitations, no lifting Kaili and no physical activity other than walking. This will continue until we hear a heartbeat or I get a negative pregnancy test.

Egg Retrieval

Well the hardest part is over, at least I hope so! The retrieval went a lot easier than I anticipated. We arrived at the Dr. office at 7:45 and by 8:10 I was given a morning cocktail as they prepped me for surgery.  The last thing I remember was hearing Jack Johnson ( i brought the cd to listen to) and telling the nurse about how Shane and I met. Next thing I know I am in the recovery room. Shane came back and waited with me for a few hours before I was released. He was bored out of his mind. LOL. Besides some cramping and feeling super tired I felt fine.
Before we left, the embryologist came in and told us that Dr. Garzo retrieved 16 eggs 🙂 12 mature,2 intermediate and 2 immature. She said that the 2 intermediate eggs may mature enough to be fertilized but the 2 immature ones most likely wont. 12-14 eggs….not bad! They are injecting the eggs with the sperm today and tomorrow  we will receive a phone call telling us how many fertilized.  They will also let us know when the exact transfer time and day will be.

I am still at risk for OHSS so they gave me some diet restrictions. Stay away from white flour and sugar. Increase my fiber intake and drink 4 cups of green tea a day. Guess I will be having caffeine after all. Oh and since I stopped my meds I haven’t had a headache! I am to take medrol and doxycycline today up until the ET. The medrol is a steroid hormone to assist pre-embryo implantation and doxycycline is an antibiotic.

I think that is all I have for the day. I wonder if this makes sense. My nurse told me not to drive or sign any important documents in the next 24 hours since I may not be alert enough to make sounds decisions.