Please remember that I have NOTHING to do All day long.

Some people wear their heart on their sleeve and some wear their infertility on their clothing…apparently.

http://shop.cafepress.com/infertility?source=searchbox

WoW! I personally like the “my dr. knocked me up” t-shirt and the infertility (n) shirt 😉

While I was browsing cute baby stuff the other day I also came across some very strange stuff as well.

Baby Toupee

Someone’s clever idea I suppose

Pee Pee bottle

Baby Jumping Festival?

Snot Sucker..Mmmm

Billy Bob Pacifier

Really?

Baby High Heels

This picture is a bit late as I am now approaching 33 weeks but I just uploaded it from the camera.

It’s not the greatest shot but you get what you get these days.

I worry! I come from a family who worries. It must be in my blood. Why do we worry? It doesn’t do any good but I just can’t help it.

I worry about all sorts of things.

I worry about my husband during his 3 hour drive to and from Ventura.

I worry about having cavities each time I go to the dentist.

I worry about my cat when I can’t find her in the morning.

I worry about the house when it’s messy and I can’t clean it.

I worry about time. It’s going too fast or not fast enough.

I worry about leaving hot electrical items on when I leave the house.

I used to worry about the kids at my school when I couldn’t make it into work.

I worry about clowns. Every one should worry about clowns!

I worried a lot in my childhood. Is that where it came from? Is worry forever etched in my brain? Is there a cure? My dad and my husband say all I have to do is stop! Stop worrying…Easy as that according to them. So over the past few years that is what I have tried to do. When I start worrying I tell myself to stop. It sort of works and I must say I have gotten better about not worrying as much..But…there had to be a but.. Trying to get pregnant brought up all sorts of things to worry about. I think women who struggle to get pregnant as opposed to women who don’t, worry a lot more. I mean they have more to worry about don’t they? Are the stimulation meds going to work? Will they have eggs to be fertilized? If so, will they fertilize and grow into grade A embryos and be ready to transfer? Will the embryos implant? If they don’t get a positive result then what? If they do get a positive test will their beta number double at each blood test? Will they see an egg sac and a heart beat at the first ultrasound. You see it’s always something when you go through a fertility treatment. Then there is the pregnancy…

I have tried my best to not over do the worrying during this pregnancy. It’s been hard. Even harder since my stay in the hospital. I worry about the medication I am on, the contractions I have and most of all my baby. It seems to me that her movements have decreased in the last few days. WORRY WORRY WORRY. I do the kick counts like I have been told and although she still moves enough, it’s different. WORRY WORRY. Her movements aren’t as frequent throughout the day, her kicks don’t pack the punch they used to..and on and on. I lose sleep. Do I go to Labor and Delivery just to make sure? Do I just suck it up and wait until my Dr. Appt on Wednesday? I worry about not trusting my instincts..and I worry about being readmitted into the hospital.

There is the famous saying ” Expect the worst, hope for the best”. Isn’t that the same thing as worrying? If I expect to receive bad news at my Doctors appointment how am I not supposed to worry about it? Am I just crazy? Can normal people expect awful things to happen and not worry about them?

So my question is… Does anything warrant worry?

Every time I am at the doctor’s office meeting a new nurse or Dr. or if  it’s been at the hospital, I am asked about how we became pregnant through IVF. They want to know  why we went through the process. Bad eggs? Male Factor? They are curious to know how many attempts it took and did we go through IUI’s first.  It got me thinking about how “Taboo” it is to talk about infertility. Some women don’t mind sharing the daunting process of getting her ovaries plumped up with daily injections and then  going through the painful process of having a needle poked into those same ovaries to remove the multiple eggs she made. Other women, myself included had a hard time coming to grips with the fact that we couldn’t make a baby the old-fashioned way and announcing that was very hard to do. Infertility is a very stressful thing, more so when miscarriages are involved. When you do decided to let people know why you aren’t pregnant yet they want to be supportive but a lot of the time they don’t know what to say. You end up hearing things like ” you two just need to relax, go on vacation. It will happen” or ” maybe it’s just time to give it a rest, God has a plan and he only gives you what he knows you can handle” Oh, so I should just get over my life long dream to be a mother. Suck it up and get over how  sad and depressed that makes me?- (smack hand on forehead) Duh! Thanks I feel so much better now!!  These things are usually said by people who had sex without a condom and got pregnant without trying. Ugh, I hate those people. But we were very lucky to become pregnant and the whole process has made me a much stronger person. I don’t know if there is anything harder than accepting infertility. However these days doctors and technology are amazing so that makes it a little easier.

Thinking about all this put a vision in my head. It’s my daughter, she is 9 and wants to know about the “birds and the bee’s”. I sit her down for the talk, maybe it goes like this” Well dear, it happens in a doctor’s office where daddy performs the “secret handshake” in a fluorescent lit room while mommy lays naked from the waist down, legs spread and another man…” Too much? How about:”When a MasterCard and a doctor love each other very much…” Moms and dads feel free to send your children to me when the time comes. I will be happy to teach them where babies come from. 😉

Hi my name is Kim and I am a pregnancy and baby website lurker.

I keep myself occupied throughout the hours of the day and the days of the week by lurking sites like Babycenter.com and Whattoexpect.com. I browse the boards where the women are due in May as well, I find some of what I read to be quite insightful. Posts on what to pack for the hospital or breast pump recommendations. And it’s nice to know that I am not the only one having contractions or have been to Labor and Delivery. It turns out that there is a whole underground society of women on hospital bed rest. The rest of what I read is  just highly entertaining. Mostly different things about the baby daddy’s, there are some wacky people out there. The one thing it has helped me realize is that with my complications and bed rest aside, I really haven’t had a bad pregnancy. I had minimal morning sickness in the beginning. Weight gain has been under control. Didn’t get gestational diabetes, varicose veins, swollen ankles or feet. I can still put my shoes on all by myself. I have been carrying her low so I haven’t had any breathing issues and heartburn hasn’t been bad. My breasts have stayed the same and haven’t been sore at all and some women complain about back ache and sciatic pain, haven’t experienced that either. Some women get pretty neurotic with the ” do not eat” food list. I have stayed away from raw cookie dough and the high mercury fish but I still enjoy deli meat ( heated up ) and tuna fish sandwiches once in a while. I have had some smoked fish and I like to have 1 cup of coffee or tea each morning. There isn’t much that I miss since I haven’t deprived myself too much. I must say I am ready to enjoy a glass of wine or two but it really hasn’t been that bad. With that said I do still have a month and a half to go so I hope I didn’t just Jinx myself. Looking on the bright side I guess things could be worse 🙂

I find it hard to peel my eyes away form all the adorable baby stuff that’s available online. It really kills time too! Here are some cute things I came across today:

I am starting to stress out about what we don’t have yet for baby K. Yesterday I started to feel the same symptoms that landed me in the hospital; cramping and backache, I just didn’t feel very good for most of the day. So I made sure I was drinking plenty of water, took some Tylenol and tried to take my mind off of it. Then I remembered that even though baby K’s not actually due until May, she could come at any time. This got me worrying about how even though her room is full of furniture and cute as can be, we really don’t have anything else for her. I searched different websites to see what is necessary to have before the baby comes home. What I found was this: one needs: a bassinet ( that is one thing we do have) bedding, a first aid kit that has thermometer and nasal aspirator, bath supplies, car seat, feeding supplies, bouncer or swing, diapers/wipes and clothing. Then we can’t forget the other littles things like a breast pump, breast pads, diaper genie and Boppy pillow for breastfeeding.

I can hear my mom saying something along the lines of “we  didn’t have those  things when you were a baby and we managed just fine.” Maybe some of the items aren’t as much of a necessity as others but we are in 2011 and if there are some new products that will make my life easier, I consider that a necessity. Yes, I know that some things can be bought the days after she arrives but who wants to be the  run to Babies R Us or Target for a diaper pale, baby formula or nipple cream at the last-minute? Any one who knows me knows that I would be worrying about all the little things we don’t have every night and throughout the whole labor process.

So to answer my own question, I guess a baby actually needs quite a bit of stuff. Oh and by the way, the cramping and backache has subsided so no need to visit Labor and Delivery today.

I was getting bored of the boring old brown blog theme so I did some construction work. I present to you a newly refreshed blog. I hope you like it.

From very early on in this pregnancy I have had very vivid dreams and I remember reading that these dreams were most likely a side effect of Progesterone which I think has a little to do with it but according to  Web MD. “Dream content changes as a woman’s body changes, her dreams echo her changing condition and both her hopes and her fears about the coming child.” It goes on to say that during the first trimester there are a lot of dreams containing “fertility imagery” as in flowers, gardens, fruit and water, water symbolizing the amniotic fluid.  Second trimester dreams start to reflect the change in the baby and the mother’s body. The Third trimester  dreams apparently become more telling, specific dreams about the baby, not being prepared, forgetting or dropping the baby or difficulties during labor.

I have had some very strange dreams throughout this pregnancy and yes I have had a few as the Web MD article has suggested, but not entirely. I know it’s not exciting hearing about other people’s dream, I know this because my wonderful DH told me so! I will spare you the details but so you get the gist of how weird my dreams have been during this last month I will share a little: One dream featured Cher, Asian prostitutes and our cleaning ladies in the old San Ramon house. Another one had an appearance by Alec Baldwin and a liquor tasting  festival located on a secluded beach. Last nights dream was about Paul Bunion and a dinosaur museum in the desert. So if third trimester dreams are supposed to be more telling, then what is my body trying to tell me?

* Please remember DH= Dear Husband not Dick Head 😉